Trouble saying no

Most kids learn the power of no as a toddler. They gleefully say it and watch adults flounder during their terrible twos. 

As they grow older and enter school, they gradually learn that saying no causes lots of issues. That saying yes and agreeing to requests makes adults happy. It shows that they are good kids. Team players.

After years of saying yes, no wonder it’s very difficult for many of us to turn down requests and say no. No makes us uncomfortable. No makes us feel embarrassed. That we somehow aren’t capable. 

So how do we fix it?

Some people try having a default no. They automatically say no to everything unless it’s something they absolutely want to do. 

Others flip the request. Instead of saying no to someone, they imagine they are saying yes to something else (their personal time or mental health).

They say a version of “I’ll have to pass because I’m already swamped at work, working weekends, and have to protect what little personal time I have left, but if you need a backup, I’ll be there.” 

What’s your strategy? 

 If we end up saying yes to everything, we’ll inevitably be saying no to ourselves.

Thanks for caring!

With gratitude,

Anwell Tsai